Why we want open adoption

I'm Joy, one half of the James & Joycelyn adopt equation.

I will preface this story by saying that my mother is one of the most humble, self giving, loving people we know.  Afterall, she is a mother.

When I was 8, my parents divorced.  My dad was military and we lived on base.  He had a stable home and career so he had custody of me and my younger brother.

Growing up, I always wondered "Why" my mother 'didn't want me'.  It was a silent thing inside me.  We spoke on the phone on birthdays and holidays and I would cry afterwards because I was filled with love for her and a longing for my mom as well as my 'whys'.

Joy and her BFF/Mom trying to make a <3

As I got into junior high, my brother and I moved in with my mom.  I had the opportunity to ask some of the hard questions I had.  Her being honest, owning the responsibility, listening to my hurts and respecting my strength to ask them have really helped me.  I understood she's human.  She has a right to her own circumstances, short comings, stresses, ambition, and hurts from her own life.  Though she never blamed anyone or made an excuse, I was able to see all these things because she was so open and raw about answering all my questions honestly, even the hard ones.

She was going to school all day and studying all night to stand up as a newly single woman.  I have a lot of respect for her openness and I no longer feel unwanted.  I knew she chose the best life for me and I wouldn't be as stable as I am without her making that sacrifice.  She's in the medical field now and is self sufficient.  She's accomplished and I'm proud of her.  She's an inspiration - I know living without me was hard on her, but she knew I was in good hands.  

That's why open adoption is important to me.  I know what it feels like as a child to wonder "why doesn't my mommy want me".  I want our child to grow up with a strong sense of self, confident and secure.

I'm 37 now.  My mom is best friend, next to my husband.  She is warm, positive, open and free and never judges me.  Growing up with my dad, I sometimes had a different perspective than he did.  Knowing my mom, I realize and cherish where those perceptions have come from.  I'm just like her.  And I want my children to have that depth and sense, too.  I believe children are richer and healthier for it.  Besides, everyone could use more people loving them and cheering them on!